Goooooooool

Well, world cup soccer is in full swing mode.

Let me warn you before hand, if you love soccer - keep loving it and do not read the following. This is a meticulous attempt to make fun of this uninteresting sport. I have never been a soccer aficionado and will never be one. I find this game runs short of events. [Dude! this is not windows computer program to generate events, it is a Sport]

Ten players chase the damn ball while another 10 seem to chase the ten who are busy chasing, while few color clothed officials direct the traffic like a railway guard with a flag and a whistle. The goal keeper stands there waiting for M18 bus at Laxmipuram Bus Stand, [formerly well known remote place in Chennai outskirt, currently a mini-city]. Goal keeper waits [not to be confused with traditional waitees], he is waiting waiting waiting and waiting, he practices his skill by catching passing flies and other domestic bugs. At times the round thingy with logos called the ball shows up, he catches with perfection.

Most of my friends are adherent soccer fans, they tell me it is the fastest sport and compares this to cricket, and says cricket is a very slow sport [Dravid! see what you have done]. I never watch and enjoy the sport based on its speed. A good picture painted by an artists takes time while it takes less than 2 minutes to scribble something [heehaw.. like this Blog] , yes agreed scribbling is fast but still you see - it is a scribble.

MOJO for a game is calculated based on difference between Delta 2pi x 5gama/2 in simple words - MOJO for a game is calculated based on the events that happen in the game. [Dude, don’t bore us, tell us what are these events?] Let us take a Cricketing example: Every action in cricket is filled with events, Consider this event - A spinner or a medium pacer bowls – let us see the outcome: he can spin the ball, he might not if his name is Anil Kumble, he can bowl in-line, but can disappoint if his last name is Agarkar, get a wicket, but it can be a no ball or if his first name is Zaheer it can be a well directed donkey drop, while on the other end, a batsmen can launch this to a six, or a four, a single, or if it is Dravid he will just defend it or the batsmen can get out for a duck [Yaw! you guessed it, - it is Kaif]. Just a single event has the potential to generate about 10 outcomes in a minute. Note the time interval between events, it is very short (

Let us take Soccer, IMMAO [in my most arrogant opinion] there are very few events that happens in this game. Scoring a goal, a free or corner kick or passing the ball, sometime teams make donations – score goals for the opponents. This goal scoring event is something similar to filling water into a big bore well in order to restart a weak motor [called priming]. The time interval between these events is too long, thank you St. Peter this game is just played for 90 minutes.

After 90 long plus some extra minutes for wasting time, if they find out that there is no soul in either team to score the winning gooooooal, Woh Woh Woh! The winner is decided on penalty kicks. Few players are selected for penalty kicks while the rest are asked to take rest. After 90 minutes of mind-boggling running and chasing, the game is literally in the hands of the M18 commuter oops, goal keeper. What a waste. [Dude, test cricket ends is draw after 5 days of nonsense, but one day/twenty20 saves your ass here]. Referee rules: The rules were so tight, even if a player scratches his head due to excessive lies - he gets a Yellow card. If the player asks another player to scratch for him – referee shows him the Red card. Still if the players keep scratching, Referees will seize player’s credit card and use it. There was record number of penalty cards shown during this world cup. Experts believe that this is due to minor rumor; some one had told players that these cards contain hidden casino codes, after each violation players will get to know this by scratching the cards.

Q1. Why is Soccer not popular in USA? Answer: Winner of MLS [Major league Soccer] cannot be called as the world champions. Generally winners of all major sport events in USA are blindly termed as world champs. According to geography books available in US, World starts near Niagara Falls, Canada and ends somewhere near Tijuana, Mexico

Q1.1. World calls this game as football Why US calls this as Soccer?
USA has a sport played using hands but calls it Football. Hence! to avoid confusion for already confused people.

Someone asked me why Indians are not playing soccer; I told them with an awkward smile that we outsourced it to China. Another good reason for me not to follow soccer is - India sucks in this sport at various levels. So it does in hockey, athletics, tennis, golf, volley ball, sugrivan ball, water polo and the talented mind boggling sport of Canada –curling.

Finally,
In my humble opinion [after all this trash talk], the only good thing about this sport is it is damn simple to understand, may be that’s why even the French are playing it with ease.

Good day!